It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
