Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
