dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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