Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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