He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
