Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
