Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
