If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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