he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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