they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
