just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
