Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
