I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
