I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
