Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
