I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
