Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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