my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
