Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
