Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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