I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
