I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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