GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
