nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
