Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
