Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
