I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
