Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Is it penis luge time yet?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
