Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
