i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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