Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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