i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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