i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
