He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
