I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
