I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
