he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
