Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
