We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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