final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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