I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
