Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dignity is for republicans.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
