Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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