If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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