i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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