Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
