come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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