I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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