You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
