Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
