Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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