thus making me awesome and them whores
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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